Am I becoming a sadist (in the sad way) or a pessismist? Or is it that I'm truely not satisfied with the way my current life is...??
And I do think I have a mental problem, not that serious as to commit suicide or hurt myself, I found myself totally not looking forward to the future me. Its like, I wanna live life as it is, no future planning, no dreams, no goal, just purely living like a zombie, pass day as it is, no motivation or enthusiasm or whatsoever to push myself, its like, I'm totally, AIMLESS.
I'm not happy with so many things in life, maybe I'm too picky when it comes to the level of happiness, I just can't appreciate what I'm having/doing now. Relationships, emotional state, job, money, physical health, hobby, life...The list never seems to wanna end. I am just so so lethargic in even writing this post.
Its a competitve world, I know, and its my own state of mind that blows the whistle to start this abstract-shadowy race of endless competitors, and I always kinda lose out in every competition. Being pretty, being slim, raking in money, jobs, blogging, wisdom... Oh my God, I'm so so annoying.
People would tell me how lucky I am to have what I'm having now. I know, compared to those handicapped or Tsunami victims or those African salvagers, I'm like 150% more lucky than them and I should appreciate what I'm having now. But please lah, don't lecture me on this again cuz no human being would ever compare themselves with those unfortunate. We are more prone to only have our eyes on those that are richer, prettier, slimmer, happier, perfect grammer...
So the reason of my unhappiness??? Still unknown...
I have to find the source of all my distress-ness or I'll go crazy in no time...
**googling How To Find Happiness**
And here's the summary of WAYS TO OBTAIN HAPPINESS:
- The lens you choose to view everything through determines how you will interpret what is happening. Happiness is a State of Mind.
- Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow. You only have now. And now. And now. Yesterday is a memory and you cannot change it. Tomorrow is just a fantasy in your mind right now.
- Don’t forget to be grateful. A few things you can feel gratitude for are for instance: The sunshine and the weather. Your roof. Your health. A good TV-show, a movie or a song. Your friends, family, co-workers and just about anyone walking down the street.
- Help someone else find happiness.
- Get rid of a couple of your less valuable desires. If you throw away a few of those desires that you may not really want or need that much anyway you’ll probably start to feel less stressed and worried.
- Create moments of happiness. Do what you like to do. You may not be able to choose to do what you want to do right now. Or for many hours each day or week. But you almost always have a choice to do more of what you really want to do. Give it the top priority. Let nothing distract you from it. Pay attention to how you feel during this experience and let happiness come. Live in that moment of happiness. Relive the moment again later. Journal it. Remember it.
- Or at least do something. Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
- Treat yourself like your favorite child. The caring, the attention, the concern that you would give a small child, give that same attention to yourself. Put good food on your plate at regular times. Listen to your inner voice. Set up regular times for exercise, reading and sleep, and discipline yourself to keep that schedule. Make sure you meet friends, take care of your health, and practice moderation.
- Clear out unhappiness. Find someone you can talk to about your feelings. Avoid things that make you unhappy. See less of unpleasant people whenever possible. Talk less and dwell less on your difficulties. Do not gossip or complain or envy others. If a problem is dragging you down, solve it or deal with it; put it behind you as soon as you can.
- Embrace happiness. Happiness is contagious. You can catch happiness just by talking to happy people. Read books with a happy outlook. Listen to pleasant music with an easy tempo. Sing along or hum if you don't know the words. Develop a friendship with a cheerful person. Spend time dancing to music. Stretch often. Exercise often. Tell yourself jokes. Practice positive thinking.
- Simplify!
- Be spontaneous. Take the opportunity to enjoy life as it happens. Be curious about life. Be inquisitive. Be amazed. Be amused. Make it your New Year's resolution to try new things. Better yet, don't wait until the New Year to make your resolution.
- Savor the simple pleasures.
- Give up some control. No matter how much we plan, we can never predict what the future will bring. Instead of attempting to control the outcome of events, learn to relax and enjoy the journey. Letting go of the need to control will give you more freedom to live in the moment.
I really wish I could laugh like that again and stop worrying about so many thing or being unsatisfied with whatever current situation I'm in.
And at the time being...
Retail shopping you say?? Maybe that would help... But I'll be guilty and sad again once I check the depleting amount of my bank account. So, I think I'll need to skip that.
Meditation you say?? Yeah, maybe that would help...
Going for a tour you say?? Maybe that would help... But I'll afraid with arguing with my boyfriend while we are on the trip and I hate that. But this would be in the KIV list.
Grab some good food you say?? Maybe that would help... Need to start choosing some fancy restaurant but Yoong isn't free to accompany me to savour them.
Argh...
You see lah... I'm totally a SADIST (in a sad way).
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