Emotions

When was the last time that I truely acknowledge how I feel about certain things?? I can't remember...


Today has been a fruitless day, lazing in front of my laptop, gazing at Facebook, absent-mindlessly clicking through friends photo, not moving an inch from the chair, thought runs far...


How I wish that I've got the guts to do things that's beyond my wildest dreams, travel around the world, buying stuffs that I adore, reading exotic books that require knowledge of the highest level, slapping on tons of cosmetic products....


But I've been lazy and my motor skill is deteriorating...


I even become somewhat of an anti-social, leading my solitary life where I reject all sorts of gathering and hide myself in my lonely room, day-dreaming like there's no tomorrow...


I know, its pathetic....


To be unable to mingle with friends or other people from different walks of life can be really quite miserable... But I just don't care... I want to be alone...


Loads of things have been going through the door of my mind but I'm trying to shut them out. My heart so numb that I don't even wanna flick my eyelids to any movement outside the window... Its useless to dwell upon worrisome problems that I myself couldn't solve alone...


The feeling of melancholy overtakes every sanity I have and, unable to hold back my tears anymore, I'm crying...


I wonder, if I'm down with sickness, will the world stop for a while to check on me?? I wonder if I disappear in this world, will people even start to notice??? I wonder if I'm unable to live the life of a normal person, will folks even sympathize with me??


I am becoming really unhealthy, becoming a chicken in its coop, becoming an exile to my own world, hiding from day light, hiding from reality, hiding from responsibilities, hiding from .....


I'm sick... I'm weary... I'm plagued with apprehension... I'm paralyzed with fear.... A pandemic of terror spreading throughout me...


If only there is a way to pull me out from the black hole... I wish that there's a hand to haul me out from lonely valley... I wish that there's a sign to motion me away from delirious insanity... I wish that there is somebody to tug me out from my blanket of lament...


My feet had died... my hands are decaying... my mind is blank... my heart has stop beating... my body is falling into coma...